Every week, UK based freelance writer Paul Seaton takes a comedic look at recasting some of his favorite TV shows and movies. This week, Seaton dives into the Netflix hit House of Cards with none other than Phil Hellmuth as the President.
Manipulation, betrayal, and power: Three words that obviously have nothing to do with the world of poker, as we’re talking about the Netflix series House of Cards, which was recently brought to a close after six seasons. But, for reasons everyone probably knows, it ended with something of a whimper after real-life scandal reduced the climax to more of an apology.
But what if we were to recast House of Cards all together for a poker reboot of the show including its classiPresidentialal knock on the table that’s not used for checking, but rather the excitement of a big plan coming together. What say you Mr. Positivity?
The President – played by Phil Hellmuth
If there’s one man who was born to swap the oval table for the Oval Office, it’s the Poker Brat. Dominant, outspoken, tall, he has all the attributes of a Presidential candidate. Imagine how much fun it would be watching Hellmuth struggle to hold off challenges to his authority, giving speeches, and make time to blow up in the World Series of Poker. It’s the part he was born to play.
Senior Aide – played by Brian Rast
Quite how he’d feel about being Hellmuth’s right-hand man we have no idea, but he did love Las Vegas enough to move there. Rast is clearly a highly intelligent individual, in the manner that Doug Stamper was to Frank Underwood all those years. Rast will be the puppet master behind the bluff and bravado, working out the mathematical and emotional response of Hellmuth’s opponents before President Brat even disembarks Air Force One.
The Whistle Blower – played by Mike Matusow
Hired as a top aide and promised a vital role in controlling the Senate, Mike Matusow would be one of Hellmuth’s first hires. Outspoken, passionate to a fault and plain speaking, Matusow would fulfill President Hellmuth’s vision for the ideal man about the White House. However, dealing with the press, the opposition and Hellmuth himself would eventually force Matusow to the breaking point, whereupon he would attempt to sabotage the Presidency.
The Sacrificial Lamb – played by Jason Koon
Heading to the nearest newspaper, Matusow would find Jason Koon all ears. Part of Koon’s incredible 2018 tournament success boasting more than $11.5 million in earnings is down to his earnest nature. Barely anyone in the game works harder, looks more honest as Koon. Which is exactly why he’d be the reporter determined to bring down corruption wherever he sees it. In a Netflix series, that spells one thing – a swift and surprising death.
The Government Do Goody – played by Byron Kaverman
You can’t have a politics-based TV series without there being at least one person who is holier than thou, and this is normally a federal agent. Enter Byron Kaverman. Impossible to read at the felt, he’d be a nightmare during interrogations, never letting any criminal escape his steely gaze. And tough? The man runs up mountains when he’s not playing golf in Las Vegas, the city he already calls home. No-one eludes Kaverman on his home turf.
Freddy’s BBQ – played by All American Dave
OK, we realize Dave isn’t a one-man operation like Freddy always seemed to be as he crisped up Frank Underwood’s ribs. But AAD is a staple of food at the World Series and President Hellmuth needs sustenance, and he needs it badly. Being President is hungry work, especially between poker tournaments. Air Force One is going to be stocked to the gills with superfood combinations, falafel, fruit juice drinks, falafel, freshly sourced ingredients, and falafel.
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